Balancing Acts: What Women Have to Say

As some of you may know, last week I published my first Blog post, which focused on idle minds and evaluating our expectations around us. I was very surprised and excited to see that I had more than the 15 views that I had imagined, ha! Starting this blog definitely pushed me out of my (somewhat private on social media) comfort zone.  I am so thankful for the encouraging words I have heard and read from some of you. :)

The first week of March is here and I couldn’t be happier! This week we had one of the most pleasant days in Fairhope, Al. so far for the year. Instead of our morning cartoon ritual, my son and I headed outside for playtime. My plants got their plentiful sunshine and a good watering. The bay sparkled more than ever. The pelicans and seagulls talked away. Spring Fever took over me and all I could think about was our first beach trip for the year.

I could have sat on our porch sipping on my coffee for hours….if only I didn’t have other responsibilities and obligations of course. The day was so breathtaking that my motivation to do anything else became close to nonexistent. I can imagine this happens to most people while at their work or at home.

At one point while playing with bubbles on the back porch, it dawned on me what I needed to get done for the day and how much I had NOT accomplished. As usual, I thought to myself how regretful I would feel if I put off what needed to get done. After completing that task, I was clear-minded and felt my day was just a little more balanced.

Balance is something I strive to achieve in my life everyday. It is also something that I am completely aware that I will NEVER fully achieve satisfaction on each level at the same time, but nevertheless, I strive to be content in all areas. I would bet I am not the only one who focuses on balance. I have actually read and heard MANY other women in my life speak about their major struggles with having a balanced life. We all want to FEEL that we are doing well or our best in all aspects of our life. Many times we feel like we fail ourselves in at least one area.

From 2009-2012, I was employed at a Substance Abuse Treatment center as a Therapist for adolescent males. While residing in this facility between 45-60 days, the boys received crucial clinical and case management services. My responsibilities consisted of leading group therapy 4 hours each day as well as provide 2 hours of individual therapy to my clients daily. It was incredibly draining work at times, but we did our job knowing it was essential for their future success. 

For a typical group session, all 16 boys would sit in their social room with the staff and begin group therapy by doing their “Feelings Check”. As you would imagine, this was awkward to the new clients coming into the program. A teenage boy talking about his feelings in front of 15 others his same age! Talk about nerve-racking! It’s funny. They quickly got used to sharing their feelings and actually looked forward to having their moment to speak about themselves. 

This is an example of what a client would say during their “Feelings Check”.

My name is John (Hi John).
My drug of choice is alcohol.
Physically I feel…..tired.
Mentally I feel….confused.
Emotionally I feel…mad. 
Spiritually I feel….blessed.

　
The feelings check was a good way for my clients to identify how they were doing in these different areas. Some of them were challenged because they had never really thought about how they were doing “mentally” for example.

What would your feelings check consist of if you had to say it now?
*Let us take a closer look at each area and answer these questions together. 

PHYSICALLY I feel ________________.

• Do we have a positive or negative self image? Why?
• What healthy and harmful habits do we exhibit? 
• Are we indulging too much or depriving ourselves? 

 

 

MENTALLY I feel_________________.

• Are we taking care of ourselves? (I.e. taking our prescribed medications, exercising, seeing our counselor, etc.)?
• Are we getting enough rest?
• Is our mental health a priority?　
   

EMOTIONALLY I feel______________.

• Are we putting too much pressure on ourselves in our roles?
• Are we communicating our feelings with our spouse and family?
• Are we surrounded our living spaces with little pieces of happy? 

Here are a few pictures of what puts me in my happy place even for a brief moment:

My favorite smoothie!

For $8, I fill 3 vases with fresh flowers  :)

No need to explain this one. I mean, duh.



Scripture is so fascinating to me. Reading it brings me peace.

SPIRITUALLY I feel_______________.

This is a tough area for many people to feel complete and confident in. Sadly, some people live their whole life feeling empty in this area. They may have financial success, a large family, good looks, but no spiritual connectedness.

This is an area in my life that I had immediate growth in just a few years ago. I will be sharing more about what instantly connected me to God and restored my faith BIG time in a future post. Can't wait to share.

• If we are feeling lost, disconnected, or spiritually empty, what could be the reason?
• What can we do to improve our connectedness?
• Do we make efforts to improve in this area or do we sit and wait?

This week I contacted a few women (all beautiful inside & out!) and asked them about whether or not living a balanced life was a priority to them. I also asked them what they do to create more balance in their life.  I love what they all had to say and have already used their personal tips as advice.

*“I think moms just try to do the Best. They. Can. Whether stay at home or working mom. We just try. It’s never perfect. Once you let go and realize it will never be perfect. It’s liberating.”


*“I think balance is one of the big secrets to life. We juggle so many things as women. I know for me, as a teacher, a wife, a prospective adopting parent, and a servant in my church, the juggle struggle is real. In order to keep balance, I have had to keep a very structured schedule. One that puts God first, me second, and everything else third. I’ve realized that if I don’t care of myself, nothing else can truly blossom. So, my balance is posted on a daily list of “must do’s” “try to do’s” and “could be put off for another day.” It helps me feel free and in control at the same time."

 　
*“Since I started a family, I’ve reimagined what a balanced life represents. I quickly found that my family gave me a reason to define and create balance in my life. I previously thought I lived with balance because I was seldom stressed, securely grounded and passionately motivated. After the birth of my daughter I learned that my life was never balanced and was heavily weighted with time spent on my career. Within months of her birth I found myself stressed, unmotivated and uncertain. It wasn’t simply a need to bring back to middle the combination of work and family; it was entirely reevaluating life without me as the center. Balance for me was therefore created within an outgrowth of selflessness. My happiness and motivation became founded less on a principle of intensity in any one area and more on the concept of balance in every area. It led me to be a better Director within my company, wife within my marriage, mother to my children and friend to my peers. Thus I’ve realized, the blessing of my children gave me not only the gift of love, but of balance.”


*“Constant balance struggle. Am I giving enough quality time to her is probably the biggest. Even though I am home with her, I work here, so I am not always focused on her. How do I stop thinking about work, money, etc. Can in get her in bed early enough to eat ice-cream without having to share? Will she hear me sneak a cheez-it? Mommy guilt everyone has. It’s normal, but it doesn’t make it easier. I don’t have a solution right now because we are hanging by a thread for the next couple of months. Keeping my phone away when she is up is helpful. A good cry once a month!”

 

*"Staying in the Word. When I'm involved in Bible study my life is more stable. If I'm not doing a study, I tend to feel blue and have negative feelings. I immediately find a study and get back in the Word. Works every time."


Living a balanced life is important to many of us. Help Yourself by…

• Doing what works best for you to get your life feeling more balanced. 
• Have normal expectations for creating balance. Don’t be too hard on yourself!
• Being cognizant that you WILL get off balance for many different reasons. Life will bring us roadblocks or new obligations or great opportunities that will get us off track for a bit.  Just keep going!